I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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