I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
