people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
