I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
