Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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