She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
