i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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