If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
