evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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