you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
