Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize