I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
