I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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