Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
