I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
