Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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