Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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