Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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