I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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