she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
