are you still at the devil's house?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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