But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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