Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
