Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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