She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
