A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
