Sry I called you an 8
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
