I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it because I queefed?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
