I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
