Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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