True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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