Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
