need another drink. this is the easiest way
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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