life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That accounts for only three of the penises
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
