I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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