I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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