Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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