i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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