vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
