Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
