I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
