Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
