found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
