I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
