My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
