I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize