Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
