and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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