They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
