He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
