So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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