I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
