hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
