i need an iv and a liver transplant
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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