mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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