Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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