He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
