jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
