So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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