1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
