i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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