I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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