i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
