people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
