I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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