Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
