Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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