Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
