I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want a musical about memes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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