He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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