You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
