i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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