you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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