He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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