the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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