I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
