Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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