I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
