I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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